1.05.2005
I have a few friends who like to bust my chops about people in relationships -vs- people out of relationships. One friend in particular seems to think because Sdot and I have made it as a unit for four years we've somehow forgotten what it's like to be single in black gay america. He feels we've crossed some magical ravine that prevents us from remembering how difficult it was/is to find someone suitable to love. Yet I remember clearly...I remember dating aimlessly. I remember one disappointing heartbreak after the other. I remember meeting people I thought the world of, only to speak to them, and immediately lose interest. I remember the breakups, the wasted energy, and the pep talks from friends who insisted it was their lost, not mine. I remember how difficult it was for me to open up after each breakup and trust--no--believe this one, this new one, would never do anything to break my heart. Only to find myself eating those very words time and time again. I remember how increasingly difficult it was for me to hold out for that soulmate so many told me existed. I remember questioning his existence, wondering if by some chance I had passed him up for someone or something I percieved as better. And yes, I remember how often I questioned love, my love, for self, for men, for God.
Forget? How could anyone forget? The reason I work so hard everyday to keep my relationship in tact is directly linked to the memories I have of being single, black and gay in a society that looks down on all three.
I've tried to get to the root of what it is I think my friend is trying to say, and it always seems to come back to his thinking it is easier for us since we've found each other and established a relationship. Hence our forgetfulness when it comes to the ups and downs of single life. But when I challenge him by providing examples as to why it is not easier, he dismisses my thoughts with: you just don't understand; you just don't get it.
It is within my opinion that neither side is more right than the other. There are positives and negatives when it comes to being single, just as there are positives and negatives when it comes to being within a relationship. Both require a reasonable amount of work.
But I guess my core concern is: why the battle? Do couples forget? Or do singles assume?
